Everyone needs love. A baby needs love to thrive. A pet needs love to grow. We all need someone to love. This may be a parent, a child, a pet or a significant other. Attention is wonderful for the ego. It is very hard to be a single mother. You can love your children, but it is not the same as having a significant other. Since the summer, I have had two unsuccessful relationships. When I was in them, I was happy, I was loved. In some way or another I was being cherished or so I thought and that was all I needed. I couldn't eat. I had no appetite. I swam in the summer and lost weight due to not having an appetite and exercising. I had to make myself eat at times. That first relationship lasted about a 1 1/2 months. When it was over, I was a mess and once again, I couldn't eat. So I still lost weight. I cried a lot. I felt unloved and unwanted.
Then I thought, I'll try on-line dating. A lot of people had met their significant others this way. It was the way to meet people in this day and age. I wasn't sure if it was the right time. Wasn't it too soon? Wasn't I still hurting from my summer fling? I was encouraged by friends, because life is too short. Life is too short. I am no spring chicken, so I was off. Initially, I just sent out messages. I got some responses from as far away as Morocco and as close as Gaithersburg. Then something happened, I got a message from a man and so started what should've been a successful relationship. Again I couldn't eat. I lost weight. I was getting attention. I was loving it. He was a smooth talker. He was smooth like velvet. Too smooth as it turned out. He asked me for money and so began my downward spiral. It was almost really bad, but with some quick thinking from my son and my family, it came out that his passport was fraudulent and he had been lying about all of it. I was upset. Not as upset as I thought. I pushed it to the back of my mind. Talking about it is still really painful. I could eat again, but by now I was used to eating less. I lost weight.
Back on the proverbial dating horse, which brings me to today or really yesterday. Yesterday I was doing my grocery shopping. Let me backtrack a week. December 1, I saw a profile that I liked and a photograph of a man with the most amazing blue eyes I had ever seen. I thought there was no way that this guy would be interested in me. I was wrong. So back to yesterday. I was doing my grocery shopping and I got a call from a number I didn't recognize. It was a flower delivery guy. I was getting flowers from my new man! I got a dozen long stemmed, red roses in a vase. There was a card too! I am incredible happy. I have lost a total of 43.4 pounds and I think that being in love helps you lose weight!
I don't know if it's the positive attention (or in some cases lack thereof), but in any case it worked/is working. I still have about 28 more pounds to lose and I don't expect to keep losing weight at the rate I have been.
I am in desperate need of clothing that fits. This is not a problem I thought I would ever have. I have lost weight before, but not this much in such a short amount of time. I need a belt for elastic waist pants!
I can't afford to buy a whole new wardrobe at each size change, but I will have to hit the thrift store. Wednesdays is 1/2 off at the Salvation Army!
As my Pop-Pop always said, "Bye for now."
I'm glad you came to your senses. I was ticked off, but also worried. Just please, next time please don't shoot the messenger. Online dating fraud is becoming big business. You should warn anyone you know who is on dating sites. I've been approached two or three times by these African fraudsters on Frumster, but it was apparent something was off. But they were not nearly as smooth as your guy sounds.
ReplyDeleteThis isn't just about the so-called "dating fraud," of course. Look, I know from experience it isn't pleasant to go through life feeling like you will never meet your beshert, especially in the suburbs when you are surrounded by people who, at least by appearances, are happily married, some of whom can be very judgmental. Some rather nasty comments were made to me at Cindy's party a few years ago, and it was like being dragged back to college. Those comments made me feel like I was some piece of drek for having gotten divorced, even though I was lucky I escaped with any money left in my bank account, and I'm proud of myself for having recovered financially. I can totally understand why you want a partner so badly--it's not just the loneliness, it's also about being judged--and it is easy for people to judge when they have someone to go home to at night.
And in the dating scene, Jewish men can be sooooooo disrespectful toward Jewish women, and if you are overweight, forget it, it is like wearing a bull's eye. It is easy to be seen as a target. But you don't have to let yourself be. Start with the assumption that you are worthwhile and that any man who says he has good qualities has to prove it. With depth, not charm. And look at all that weight loss, which will help you live longer with or without a partner, as a silver lining :) to that awful experience you had. Also if you feel like you are too vulnerable to get into potential dating situations, because of the whole roller coaster thing (I can relate to that too), take a time out. That is kind of what I have been doing for the past year and a half--I do have other fish to fry at the moment. I do go online, but I am very, very cautious, and very picky. It's better to be alone that to feel you have "settled." Love, Helen