I'm taking a break from my usual posting to write about something else. It is a hurdle in my weight loss, because it consumes my time and keeps from eating like I should. This is stress. I woke up this morning feeling depressed and the day didn't get better.
I had no plans, except cleaning the kitchen and such. I had to pay bills, which ever since I lost the second income from my ex has been stressful. Which bills can I pay now? Which ones can wait? Where am I going to get the money for a new printer? Etc. Then I talked to my son's therapist. He is still failing one class. In my mind that is a big improvement, but not in her's. She thinks he is just going to repeat the cycles that he has been in, and she wants to figure out a different place for him to attend school next year. This brings me back to bills and stress. I can't handle all of this right now. There is too much going on.
We are in the home stretch of school. Yay! I do not have a summer job, so what will I be doing this summer? That remains to be seen. I do need to start exercising, so that is an hour a day. I'll need something to take up the other 23 hours. Yeah, I know, part of that time is for sleeping. All I can say is, thank goodness I get paid in the summer. We tend to spend more money in the summer, because we're all home more, and have more time on our hands. This cycles back to the no plans for summer. So summer vacation is looming and it somehow got away from me.
My house which was under control is no longer under control. The minor flood in the basement didn't help either. I guess that is something I can work on in the summer. Also, though this will cost money, I can try to get some of the things in my house fixed, that I have been putting off. This inevitably leads me back to my finances. That is something that I have will have to look into as well.
I just can't do it all at once. Maybe that is why I woke up depressed or maybe the antibiotic I am taking is affecting my mood. It is affecting my appetite, in that I don't have one. I know that won't last. I also know that I have to eat to lose weight, otherwise your body goes into starvation mode and holds onto the weight. We can't have that.
I weighed myself this morning and was not happy with what I saw. I know how it got like that, so I know what is to blame and why I can't keep it in the house (ice cream). Even though, you would think that weighing myself would be motivating, it isn't. I need to reclaim the motivation I had when I first started on this weight loss journey. Right now it just escapes me.
I really need some good news. If only I had won the lottery when the Powerball was so big. A small prize would've been fine. I just want enough to pay off the huge, ugly mortgage I got myself into when I was trying to be so independent. I'm not going there. That might just put me over the edge and into a pint of Ben & Jerry's. I'm not hungry, but that hasn't ever stopped me before.
Here's to more sunny days. I need to find the answers to my life's greatest problems. I don't know now how I am going to do it, but I am reminded of The Serenity Prayer:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
That is, in essence, all I can do right now. One day at a time may not be short enough right now. Maybe it has to be one minute or hour at a time.
